~LiFe’S bReAtH~

Alright, no monkeyshine in this post. Its just me. The SANE me. Aw nuts, u guys are going to find this sooooo boring.

Exams are this coming friday. BM 1 and Eng 1. Still BEARABLE i guess. Its language, so I can manage. What I can’t handle is stuff that has to do with figures. Maths, add maths, physics, chem. Basically the MAIN science subjects (Pah, and u call urself a "pure science" student??) is what i dread. A LOT. Except Bio. I really do like Bio. Its interesting. NOT being sarcastic here! So I’vee been thinking that for this Final term exam, i’m going to go all out for…..wait, rephrase, try my best (sounds better, n less scary) in bio, sj, bm, and moral. I’ll try to gat a B in maths too. Oh, mamamama….. Lord gimme strength.

N i’ll let u ppl know what i get la at the end of the day. I’m not a sissy abt my results k… In fact, i’m not really a sissy in anything…except say umm, playing sports and making friends. *sheepish smile* Whaaat…..

Anyway, after my exams, I am so going to watch Prince of Tennis like crazy!! Hehe….want me to start talking abt Tezuka again? =p ok ok…geez, u don’t hv to glare at me like that…

K la, thats all for now. Told u ot’d be a lil more boring then usual. Surprised u even read this far. …but then again, its not that long. This is the real me. The me u’ll probably see once i get over my shyness in talking to u. This is Joann. =) Minus the blur moments when i run out of thinks to say or…….. ahem, Moments like these. lol. That wasn’t funny. Bleh.

Gtg go. Ciao.

=)

Most definately —> Moi. Don’t tell me u don’t want to be rich. I do. Wow…imagine walking into MidValley and just grabbing stuffs off the shelves without looking at the prices. In fact, hey, whay stop at MV? Why not go on a world shopping trip? After all, as they say, the world is in ur palm as long as there’s where ur wallet is too. Drool….. Shop…Shop…Shop…. I got my shopping side from my aunt. Fortunately for her, she’s quite well to do and unfortunately for ME, I’m not. Oh hubba hubba…

So whats my point?

My point is….um, i don’t really have a point. I’m just saying I REALLY REALLY LOVE SHOPPING!! And i equally hate not having enough kaching-kaching!! Girls facing the same dilemma say AYE. Umm, if there’s a guy out there among u, pls don’t say anything. U’ll just end up sounding SO GAY. =p kidding.

But seriously, what would be a really good way of getting RICH?…(rub chin thoghtfully) No, i’ve already thought of marrying the rich dude. Don’t think its gonna work cos it seems that every other girl has thought and IS THINKING of MY IDEA (Obviously it was MY idea in the first place!!). Darn. There’s just not enough rich, handsome, young, talented and LOYAL guys to go around. A rotten bloke with lots of money and one foot in the grave just doesn’t sound THAT nice either.

Double Darn.

Well….there’s always that thing called saving up(voice trails off) What am i saying?? Absolutely not! What abt the life in the fast lane?? The Novue Riche?? BIG BIG SIGH… Dream on… Eradicate poverty… Sounds very noble i assure u, but not likely.

For now, i better get down to earth where my penniless sitar player awaits me.

=) Nite nite monkeys!

One year.

We stand together.

One year

We love each other.

Still.

One year

I’ll hold on

One year

I’ll wait.

One year

And i thank u.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

I love u piggy!

Oh Rejoice!

As I cup thee lovingly in my palms

Tis’ the feeling of the return of a lost lover.

Thou art the only one who knows the many strands on my head

Thy scent more fragrant than Sunsilk.

Oh Rejoice!

Oh Procter & Procter!

Thou moisturiseth mine locks with such gentleness

There art no better Sh’poo than thou!

Dove advertiseth only in vain.

Tis’ just words that hold no meaning!

But thou, Oh Rejoice…

My beloved

Thou art rightly dubbed "Complete".

For thou knowest what is best for mine cuticles

Tis thou that soothes my roots.

Tis thou that cleanses mine scalp

And protecteth me from mine enemies.

A thousand curses on dandruff!

For thou shalt smother it instantly!

Oh my bottle in Green,

As long liveth Tesco and Giant

So shalt thee.

The dream robbers… Thats what pastor TT Quah talked to us about during youth alive today. I thought it was amazing, seeing that he talked about our talents and ambitions especially at this time when i’m dying for ppl to advise me. =) Guess God heard me. He really did!!

Basically what he said struck me in a lot of ways. (i hate starting sentences with ‘basically’ but i basically can’t help it. =p) He said that US, youth, are so full of energy, life, ambition, dreams, talents…and yet along the way, we somehow completely lose all that. I guess thats true. (thats why i love being young! its so exciting!! Ookay, i digress again…) N it struck me even more when he talked abt procrastination. Ouchie… Procrastinating is something i’m really good at. Honestly. If u don’t believe me i’ll compete with u. Tomorrow. =p So i have decided that… For my next VOH issue, i shall…no la, not talk abt procrastination, u wouldn’t read it if i did (tell the truth…). I shall hand it up ON TIME!! Yes, i usually hand in my article AFTER the deadline. Sis. Chin Nee is just too nice an editor-in-chief. So with u, my faithful and all too freaky darlings as my witness, i, Joann Lim, all mighty, all powerful and (hey! Who threw that?? Keep ur slipppers to urself!!) hereby promise to hand in my coming VOH article by the deadline. There. Are ya happy now??

Btw, someone said my blog is…sob…wail…TOO CONFUSING!!! Said very hard to understand wor… Is this true? How to make it easier oh, this is how i write. Or talk to myself rather. Any comments? Do write, i love getting comments. Criticism is also welcome…

Oh, yeah, back to Ps TT. Its hard to explain/ re-preach all he said (if u weren’t there: nyeh nyeh… hehe..) But to sum it up, don’t lose ur discipline or focus, even for a while, because if u do, distraction comes. Hand in hand with procrastination. Keep ur eyes on God because…2 chronicles 16: 9 says so. I’m not going to type it out. U go hv the discipline and look it up urself. Someone be kind enuf to post it on the comments or something so everyone can see if ur feeling kind. (yes, obviously i REALLY REALLY WANT COMMENTS!!!)

This is where i drop off.

Sayonara mi amore…

PS: Any of u watch Prince of Tennis? Captain Tezuka is so COOL…(big adoring eyes…) Echizen Ryoma just annoys me.

Let me mope.

Recently, i’ve been having a downright bad case of gloom, bad-temperedness…. Not really depression i guess, but (shrug) just not pretty to be me at the moment. I feel like i’m failing in everything. Not just my studies which i’m struggling to cope with, but in my relationships with people. Not too mention how much i’m thinking about what i want to be when i grow up…tho i know thats not QUITE so important YET.

Que Sara, Sara…..

Whatever will be, will be…

I never liked that song. Bleugh.

So what i really need now is support. A lot of support from friends. UNFORTUNATELY, (here comes the sob story) I basically stumbled on the reality that I DON"T have many close friends. Just two. One whom i don’t get to see and the other whom just doesn’t have the time and is kinda blur. But i’m just grateful to have at least two… I hadn’t even begun to realise WHEN my circle of friends started to shrink. I guess it was the form 5s leaving school and me leaving too. Sigh. i wish i’d seen this coming. Or rather, this never happened.

Oh, i wish i wish that i was a billionaire.

Yeah right… Keep dreaming.

Hmm, and Wei Yee sms-ed me the other day. She said she’d read the post i wrote abt nursing and she said i should become like, a teacher or a writer. Mmm…basically, i HAVE thought of becoming a writer but UNFORTUNATELY, i don’t think i’m good enuf. (sad smile) If ur thinking "thats a blithering lie!" then i’ll really have to call u a sweetheart but haha, darling, i know its just not up to the standard. It lacks the direction. The DEPTH. I just don’t feel like i got what it takes u know? I’ve been around ppl who can write, really really write. Aaron Teoh for one, (I hate u). They’re just so good at it! Then what am i good at?? God gave us talents. Even if its just ONE i want to know what mine is!! (If u said complaining, u are soooooo dead…)

As for studies, don’t even go there. Pls, for heavens’ sake… I going to break down. Crack. Split down the middle. And i’d be empty. Yes, thats what i feel. Empty. Nothing really makes me smile anymore. In fact, i almost wanted to scream at this girl who accidentally poured curry over my roti canai. Eventhough i was going to do it myself anyway. Lame rite?

This just isn’t me… I feel like i’m sucked into some black hole. Nothing lives, exists. Not even light.

I need direction so badly. But God’s just doing what He does best… sigh. Keeping real quiet… Father, hear me. Please. I need You so much. More than anything i need to feel Your love. I really do. Please answer me. I want to hear Your voice. Just once. One touch. I desperately need to know You’re there. That I’m not talking inside of my head. Please.

I hope it gets better.

Nite my darlings.

If u read my previous post which i’ve already deleted, a thousand apologies. Was really venting off. Fie upon me for my childishness. I truly truly did not mean. Or did i…? =p just joking la! Chill la…

Anyways, don’t lable me as a nutcase just yat k? Emotional….ok, maybe that.

I gtg. Ciao.

During a moral lesson this week, my teacher showed us a short powerpoint presentation on war and whats happening to the people. It shook me badly. One of the pictures that i’ll never forget is one of a man lying in the dust. He was dead obviously and his hair looked like it was flaying all over. His head looked weird too. It was longer than normal. Then when i looked harder the truth hit me so hard i reeled. I wanted to scream, "Oh God, his brains are blown out!!" The following pictures were equally despairing. Children who were burned, men sobbing over crude coffins of loved ones… It was shocking. There was even one picture of a man stripped naked and a rope tied around his neck like a dog. A young boy held the rope.

It saddens me to say that, yes, when ppl speak of war, i really don’t feel anything. Its like we have become so desensitized to violence. Dying and killing happens so often we don’t bother anymore. But for once, i really really LOOKED. And it broke my heart.

Here’s what i wrote. Think hard about it.

They Are My Brothers

I saw a man

Lying in a pool of blood

His scalp flapped in the wind

His brains were blown out.

I saw a child

Frightened by an angry mob

Tears flowed as she cried

From her one eye

She had lost the other.

I saw a woman

Screaming for her baby

Who in his sweet innocence

Did not know what a mine was.

Giggling with delight,

He reached down to touch it…

Leave them alone.

Please, don’t hurt them.

For they are my family.

They are my brothers.

The cry for peace calls to be heard

Yet let it not be achieved through war

If there is a need for justice

Let it not be paid with blood

If there is a need for power

Let power be the voice of the people

Let power be truth spoken in love

Let peace be love spoken in truth

See through the hatred

Look past the blame

Gaze into their eyes

Understand their pain

And feel it for yourself.

These people

They are my mothers,

My fathers,

My sisters.

They are my brothers

As they are yours.

If i could go to the future, i’d like to see that my future job will not just consist of wiping backsides and cleaning up barf.

Let me explain.

See, i was thinking of doing nursing.

Stop that. I can see u howling with laughter.

But apparently, my dad thinks nursing is for ppl who are quiet, spoftspoken, does everything they’re told… Basically ppl who are like jellyfish, no back bone. (Hey, don’t look at me like that! Those are his exact words!!) I thought nursing would be fun because… um….ah…er… Basically i hv no idea except that its the only career that has caught my interest so far. I KNOOOOW…. Not the best of reasons but there u have it. And maybe the best reason why i think nursing would be ok is coz i like biology. At least compared to physics and ad maths, i positively LOOOOVE it. But honestly, it should be more that cleaning and washing unmentionables right?? Come on…. Feedback! Reassure me!!

Basically my dad says i should o for something vocal cos i can talk. See the thing is…. ok, don’t tell anyone…but, i stutter when i’m nervous. I SAID DON"T TELL!! WHY"D YOU TELL?? I don’t friend u anymore…

Sigh, i’m going haywire. I figured i need to make a decision soon. I’m sixteen oledi ah… And thats…err, ya oh, still pretty young. But i need to make up my mind lo. My mum on the other hand wants me to be a doctor. Or a vet. SLUUSSH… Down the drain. No way. Don’t think i can stand the pressure and stress. And for heavens’ sake, i’m already struggling with my studies. God save Joann. Amen

Thats all for now i guess.

Wish me luck freaky darlings.

Pray for me.