~LiFe’S bReAtH~

My graduation day is tomorrow!! In many ways, i am obviously proud to have say I AM FINISHING HIGH SCHOOL!! Yes! Its a madly euphoric feeling that. Reviewing these five years, the changes that have occurred are HUGE.

Form 1 was one of the most exciting. Hahah…. first year of high school. New environment, new friends. It was awesome. *wink* also the first time i realized something fascinating- boys. Haha… Yep, those times were great. =) I remember my first crush was this senior prefect who couldn’t pronounce the letter ‘R’. Geeky rite? Lol. He’d say "Peefects!! Please make sure the students line up at the coyidoh…(corridoor)…" Haha…=) N me n a few girls would be whispering with awe, "He’s so funny n cute…" =.=""" Haha…yes. Those were the days…

Form two. My sort of ‘rebellion’ year. I got thrown into 2L class; which rather unfortunately had the most number of rowdy students. Even MORE unfortunate was when i started picking up a lot of their nasty habits. Cursing, being the most obvious. (Gasp!! Joann using profanity??) Heck, u better believe it. All the damns n shits n….well, all them nasty words 14 year old girls have no business knowing. I played pranks a lot too…very NOT NICE pranks like…umm, throwing ppl’s bags on the floor n stepping over them when they arent around. (BAD!) N this one time, Pang yean and i shot paper bullets at the blokes in front of us while the teacher was teaching. The fellas got pissed n told the teacher someone was shooting but they din know who. So teacher held the whole class back until someone owned up…which we didn’t!! He finally gave up n let us go. Lol. Form 2 was when i had my first heartbreak too. Very not fun. BUT, i am proud to say i got over it. =)

Form 3. I changed my awful, unlady-like habits, which wasnt really easy; but i’d decided i’d hv had enough of being a fishmonger’s lass. Had a huge argument with my once-close bunch of friends that eventually led me to breaking off from them. It was sad, but i also made new friends to replace the ones i lost. Best of all, i fell in love with…the most incredible person in the world. It was an exciting time. Everyday was more alive than ever. Walking and knowing that with each step i am loved, breathing n knowing that with each breath i am in someone’s heart. It was unforgettable.

Form 4- God says Boo!!! This was the year where i changed schools. It came quite as a shock to me as my dad only told me that in december. Therefore, i had no chance of saying goodbye to my friends. In fact, i had so greatly anticipated of spending our senior years together. I had been dying to see our photos on the last page of the school mag n heading off to prom together. All of those suddenly blew up when i switched to PESS. The first few months were difficult. I had to adapt to speaking mandarin again as well as make new frens. At d same time, i had to let go of this ’superiority’ i felt over these government school girls. I had loved being in private school. I was proud of the green badge n grey skirt i wore for the past 3 years. Now i was subject to the smurf outfit of them lower class citizens. Lol. N i finally did accept them. =) They are quite a bunch. Maybe not as crazy as the SM bunch but PESS girls hv an innocent air abt them. =) They are a lot more naive than SM students.

Form 5. MORE CHANGES. I moved up to Intan class. My newly made friends in form 4 did not move up with me. Which meant i had to do everything all over again. God was gracious tho. I made MORE friends, crazier ones too. N then SPM coming lo. N…lol. Heartbreak number two. Which i am basically struggling with to keep my head out of the water; which is horribly difficult. *sigh*

And 2008? God, what do You have in store for me?

Please let it be a really great year….a year of little tears and bountiful smiles. Be there for me. Guide my steps…

Wow, this is a long post. I hope u guys found ur way to d bottom. LOL. Old lady reminiscing younger days. Hahaha….

Ookay then.

I wanna be a kid,

please; let me stay.

Think happy tots

And fly away….

Wow. I AM getting older! *SHRIEK!!!!!!!!!* Help!

Its funny, how i always wanted to get to this age. Telling myself, "Yes! Once i reach tat age i’m gonna be FREE n HAPPY!!" Well…now that im here, its like….god, im scared! I kinda think the worst thing about it all is that im getting so….DULL. I kinda read thru all my previous blog posts n i can seriously see how crazy n nutty i was. Compared to now. I wonder whats wrong wor…=( What a mess…

Okaaaaay! STOP! No moping n complaining!!

Last sunday i went out for lunch with Darren n Wei Yee. As per usual when three of us get together, we had a whacky time. Ate at Chilis which left me n my purse looking like this => (T.T) Hahaha…im a serious cheapskate when it comes to money sometimes. Born n born Malaysian. =)

"Darren, u forgot to pick up the change from the bill."

"Those are tips, joann."

"TIPS???!! For what??"

Hehehe….;p N wei yee became the butt of our jokes for the day. Much to her blurness. =) It was a really good time i guess.

That is…..until i got home n received a scolding from my mum about (what else?) SPM. So basically i am sorta grounded from going out with friends at the mo. Lol. (Saying with flair) I care not. T.T

Well, i am off my loves. Take care.

Ah well. Here i am back at friendster. The novelty of facebook has sorta worn off a lil. It definitely has more stuff to do but somehow friendster doesnt seem that bad off compared to facebook. Facebook is more play play-ish.

SPM is in less than a month. Ooi-vay. Cant wait for it to end and yet at the same time, kinda frightened to know that on the other end lies the grown up world. A world of RESPONSIBILITY. Thats scares me, the shielded, protected girl. I always feel that im a pretty dependent person. But thats only because i can afford to be dependent. I CAN find my own way when the situation requires it of me. Its just a matter of whether i WANT to or not. Lol.

….and still….do u know what i really want after SPM? I mean really really want? I wanna get away for a while. Like, two or three months. Maybe even more. Holiday or study or whatever. I jz wanna get away. Thats not going to happen obviously… still, its like my dream. Haha…I wanna study in Australia. Perth to be exact cos i hv relatives there n that would be really helpful. BUT, i dont think that will happen either, cos my parents wouldnt be able to afford it and (hah!) as if they’d let me go. =( gloominess…i wanna go.

OR!! If i study here but a lil far from home then i can live THERE (like student dorms or whatever) also can right?? But dunno if thats possible either. *sigh*

Will it work out? WHat will happen? What will i study? How will i get the money? MY SPM results? What shd i work as? How? Where? What??

GOSH!!!

How do i pick myself up from this? Why?

The question why? How? Desperation drives me to pray that God will take me home today. Cos suddenly it would feel so good to get away from all this. I am tired of having to go through this everyday. Drained emotionally. So sick of crying. So disgusted with myself. This isn’t ME. God, why have You forsaken me? I need You more than anything. I don’t want pity. I need to know You love me, of all people, of all things, of all forms, of all powers. This feeling hunts me down mercilessly i want to scream.

I want to run away. I want to go far far from here.

I am tired. So tired.

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Hah. I’m such a sad case. *sad smile*

Ouchie. =( I have a really really awful sore throat right now. Not the type when ur voice gets croaky with lots of phlegm. It just HURTS when i swallow. Its so bad that my whole neck hurts when i move. =( I had to use counter-pain n tat actually helps a lil but it doesnt last long. Camp is tomorrow. Ooh-boy. I’m praying this doesnt develop into a fever wei. Cos i dont care. Fever or not i will go. Hmph.

(Pray for good weather, safety, health n great fellowship for us all please.) N my poor neck. =(((

I went back to my old school that day, Stella Maris. It was a good feeling. Warm memories, fantastic people, crazy laughs. I thought i would feel sad remembering all those times…=) Nah. I dont regret having been there and going thru all i did! True, maybe the people who are significant to me may not think i am THAT important to them, but i really learned a lot. I love u guys! *hug* (oh c’mon joann, ur embarrassing urself!!)

SPM is coming faster than ever and i still have this rather indifferent air abt it. *sigh* I have never liked studying. Still wondering what to do after spm… Should i do a degree in English? (My english is cacat wei…) Or mass com? Or….grr…. i dunnoooo….. People, what do u think suits me? (No no to journalism. Too stressful my dear. At least thats what i think..)

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

SOS….

Fuyoh! In one night i can bag 3 comments! Wakaka…the perasan-ness is rising. ;p

Its 8.30 in the morning n i am in my happy morning mood! ^_^

The raya holidays came earlier than i tot… They started TODAY. And umm…..i didn’t know that until i arrived at d school entrance just now. Ehehe….then i had to face my mum’s shooting black looks. xp *sheepish look* She refused to send me home so she dropped me off at an LRT station. Sheesh, so mean. With all the robbery, kidnapping n rape cases nowadays ah…cannot like tat one mah!! What happened to motherly love?? ;p

So here i am at home, contentedly typing away at my blog…well, not exactly typing la. My dad hid the keyboard cos he tot that would deter me from using d comp (to focus on SPM). It stopped me for like, a day. xp Then my bro taught me to use the On-Screen Keyboard. Hehe…a trifle bit inconvenient i suppose, but with my spirit of perseverence, u all now hv something to read about. *wink* (mischievous lil monkey…)

K la. Click until my hand aching d. Thx for d comments guys. =)

The days have picked up a lil. I’ve found that the best way to NOT mope is simply to wear myself out. I’ve been studying these few days (miracle!!!), almost finished the whole F4 sejarah book. Will finish it by tonight; tat is…minus abt two chapters with i cant take anymore abt Islam Islam Islam. Its not tat im biased or tat i hate it. Its just..*phoo…* There is A LOT on islam n i kinda dont get why we have to study so much on it. I also dont get why we hv to know the ‘keperibadian’ of the prophet muhammad. History kah? I just dont see the point of having to go so deep into it. Dunno leh. The sejarah text book is LONG WINDED la….

My bro said i could get arrested for writing this. Whaaat….Im not insulting anybody’s religion. Im insulting the book writers. Boring ppl. N im not the only one who this the sejarah syllabus is unneccesary. My teacher says debates are going on as to whether sejarah should be compulsory. There. See? There are sane adults who think REASONABLY. ;p Grr…..so many facts to stuff, so little time, so little space.

Raya holidays are fast approaching. (There, thats something you can thank Islam for. *wink*) Holidayss….evrybody loves them. Camping trip is coming up. I am beside myself with anticipation. =) I hope i dont look all frowny n long faced like i alwayys do. According to Zach, thats my "boring face". According to Wai Wai, i look like a snob n turn ppl off. Hahaha…okay. Make effort to smile. Check.

k la. back to sejarah books. MOAN……GROAN…..GRUMBLE….

AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

Its Sunday. 8:23 pm. Only a couple more hours till the end of my holiday. =I In a way, i’m sad cos hey, holiday over lo…(who wouldnt feel heavy hearted?) but on the other hand- FINALLY!! Something to do besides stay at home all alone!! I was starting to feel like Jack Sparrow in Davvy Jones’ Locker. Hallucinating…white skies, blank earth. And me, trapped in the middle of absolute NOTHING-NESS. *glad sigh* Feels good to be able to go back to school and meet some friends. (I know tats not something i say very often…but a week alone is enuf to drive me mad with boredom!)

Today was not at all bad really. =) I went out to Avenue K with a few of the youth for lunch after church. It was for a lil while only i guess, but twas great for me. We ate at Burger King.

*sigh* Burger King is definitely a very….nostalgic place for me. Lol. Basically ALL the really significant ppl in my life have (some time or the other) spent a moment with me there. Mmhmm. Fantastic times… =)

And another good thing to say WHEE!! about is…TA DAH!! I’m going for the Sg. Congkak outing trip this coming sunday!! I cant wait!!

…….but then….=((( I feel kinda guilty too….with spm only a month away, i am seriously cutting it close. But the trip feels too good to be missed!! I hope i dont regret this. Camping! Wheee!!!

U people ah… WEIRD one i tell u. I can write LONG LONG posts and only get one/no comments. Especially posts where i really crack my head to write. But when I write super short ones, hardly needing to use my brains, everyone comment until super semangat. =.="""" You all ah…. Don’t know how to appreciate one…. tsk tsk tsk. =p

Still, i’m starting to REALLY love comments on my blog. It’s like, "hey, someone likes reading my stuff!" Or "Aww…she cares enough to wanna find out about me." OR…."Wakakaka…look at all these busybodies…*smug grin*" =p

Joking la joking la…;p Later everybody merajuk and i can say by bye to all the comments. Hehehe…

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I, basically, have been going thru the most BORING, USELESS days this week. I’ve been at home since Monday. Never left the house once. SERIOUS. Its like…aiyo. LAME lo. Nothing to do at home. Alone some more. Stuff i can do is basically this:

- study

- stare at the dog

- sleep

- watch tv

- use the comp

- housework

Lousy right? I mean, i spent SO MUCH time sitting in front of the comp. And u have NO IDEA how much retarded stuff u can find on metacafe n youtube. For example, I watched a videoclip today of men (only males do stupid stuff like this) lighting their own farts. =.=""""""""""" GROSS. I can’t believe they can fart at will!! And its like…super loong okay?? Its amazing they didnt poo in their pants! Heck, y am i even talking abt this? Choi choi…. xp

You guys ok? Looking a lil green there…haha…

Alright chumps. Take care…

(T.T) Boohoohoo….!! Frustrated la!!! I can’t friggin’ study!! Spm very very CLOOOSE. And my brain won’t cooperate, my eyes wont cooperate!! Aaaaaarrghh!!!

What is this la… Seriously frustrated wei..! I’m in no way an A student. THATS WHY I NEED TO STUDY!!! (Yanking the hair off my head now)

STUPID!!!!!! (T.T)